Rather die withought him

Burning trickles falling down her cheeks,
seeping through her skin ,
painfully holding her to his words,
stuck in her head , repeating themselves , OVER AND OVER
she doesnt know what to do ,
theres no running from this type of pain ,
she believed in true love , till they fell apart, and stop talking
he doesnt want her no more, says they should be friends
she cant and wont
she'd rather die than be withought him,
its all fun and games till someone gets hurt
is she hurt or is she in pain because he took her heart with him when he left .
she wont show she care's she wont let anyone know how hard she fell and hit the floor when walked away.
drugs and alchohol could be a fix for this , but when its affect fades your left with a bigger hole to fill.

long gone

Fingers intertwind,
lips locked and sealed and ready for forever,
you promised me youd love me forever no matter what ,
and youd never let me go, its okay go for it , live your life to the fullest
i love you so much i want you to be happy no matter what
i fucked up hard , i know.
i just wanted to say thanks for letting me fall inlove with you and thank you for always being there,
for being the one i needed when i was down , for always holding me and letting me cry in your arms when i needed too.   im leaving its up to mom . but ill be gone sooner than you think , ill be gone and you can go on living peacefully withought me in your mind or in sight or by your side whenever you turn around..    (L)

sorry but i cant move on.

i was never able to cry on demand.  now it seems like every second i take a look at our old messages pictures, or get the slightest smell that remind me of you , tears just come rushing out of my face like a unstopable river. I said I was over you , I was done and we were never getting back together. Today I saw you . Today I talked to you face to face , and realized i made the biggest mistake of my life so far. You dont want me though , youve been caught up in your own life and have told me theres no more room . Im not too sure what to do now. Do I lay awake crying until i pass out from exaustion, or do i carry on with my life and pretend like im okay with everything else ive had to deal with.  To be honest i wanna run away , and never have to look at your face or hear your voice again , never brush up againts you and feel the tingle you used to send through my body. writing this brought tears to my eyes. Your gone its okai i understand , wait that was a lie . i dont understand . i dont get how you can throw away a year of us . i miss you thats all.

kiss her goodnight

go on shout all you want , no one will hear you her mind plays over and over
your sobs are pointless , theyre silent to all ears,
she feels asif her breath is no match for the walls she herself had created
no one will ever see her eyes bloodshot red
or her voice breaking and her breath slowing from the pain she deals with
what happens when she gives up and wants it all to end
she doesnt know how much  she can take
would it make everyone realize whats going on if she let down her walls .
or would she be known as a phsycopath that needs to be held captive in cush white walls.
arms bound and left alone with all her own thoughts.
can she hold her breath and pass out
let the lights from the stars fall and drift away
kiss her goodnight cause she wont wakeup .
all done and gone
eternal life , has been shown it wont take its path for this lost soul.

silence is evil. but happiness is louder

I dont sit for too long , only because when I do , I think.  My life is so complicated that when I sit and I really think about it I go quiet and I get into a state of emotion where I dont want to do anything and I dont want to even move off my couch. This summer ive had many encounters of random and suckish things, like for one my dad now has a new girlfriend and she has kids, went and visited him and he talked about disciplining them , in my mind im saying what the hell ! you should be disciplining me and i know for a fact that most teens would like hell yeah no shit from him , but really? common we all need our daddy. My mother and i have faught quite abit , cause i feel like she should trust me more than she had trusted me , and it kills me everytime we fight, were all we got and everything we ever will have. My mother and i have a bond that could not be ripped apart with nor a chainsaw or another human soul. She is my bestfriend she knows things about me i dont even know and things im just starting to figure about myself. My ex boyfriend curtis, and i broke up we pretty much faught all of august ,things just werent the same anymore, and i needed my space. So somewhere between all of this i became depressed, although i didnt know it i was. i layed on my couch for 3 days and didnt move off of it unless i had to pee , and i barely ate. people say that is when you hit rock bottom , for me that was an eye opener, you can sit and be lonely and be pissed off at the world for everything that has happend or you can look into the future and care about yourself and nothing else, .